1080p
by korben600
Summary: No Grimm, no huntsmen, just life...and streaming more videogames than is probably healthy. Yet somehow, still the same shenanigans. Now, shall we play a game?
1. Chapter 1

**This is dedicated to the WK and WiP Discord servers that convinced me to post this.**

* * *

He slowly approached his target, utilizing every tip and trick he had to conceal himself as he moved. It took forever, but thanks to his efforts, he ended up right behind his mortal enemy. He slowly withdrew his blade, and began the slow crawl forward, careful not to make a sound.

He was a foot away from his quarry when his body shifted forward unexpectedly. He could hear the small, tiny crunch of his feet on his radar.

But the woman in front of him didn't move.

Perhaps she didn't hear it?

He slowly began to move forward-when the woman swung around with the force of a raging typhoon and drove a rusty spade into his sternum.

As he died, with red covering his vision, and his last breath gurgled out of his mouth, the only thing he could say was-

* * *

"GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!"

"Language, Jaune!"

The blonde boy glared at his dying avatar.

"You couldn't let me have _one_ kill? Just _one_?"

"You ever gonna give me some resources in our Stellaris streams?"

"Your Xenos will starve, be buried, and return to the cosmic dust from whence they'd come before my empire will ever give you such charity!"

The voice on the other end of his speakers giggled.

"Then you're gonna still keep getting a spade to the chest."

Jaune's expression turned dark, but then slightly contemplative.

He sighed exaggeratedly, before looking into the camera on his computer.

"Well? What do you guys think? Should I sell my soul to the devil for the honor of battle? Resources for kills?"

\- Imalreadytracer: No. Dirty Xenos will get nothing and like it!

\- Anon42: Eh, I mean, it's the only way you're getting a kill

\- Anon3: Yeah, you suck. Like really suck.

\- Anon8: Suckity suck suck

\- Anon13: Take the deal! It's the only way you're getting out of this alive!

\- Anon91: You suck, and also, you shouldn't take the deal. Heretics will be purged.

\- Anon41: Die for the empire!

\- Anon41: Also you suck.

\- Anon41: Don't worry, the empire always needs more cannon fodder.

Jaune rolled his eyes at the chat.

"Welp, chat is torn, but since it's up to me, the dirty Xenos will get nothing and like it!"

"Awww…" The voice on the other end said, whining pitifully before perking up. "Chat say anything else?"

Jaune growled in annoyance. "That I suck." He looked angrily at the chat. "Fuck you guys too."

"Hey!" The feminine voice spoke into his ear. "This is a good, Christian channel! Watch your _fucking_ language!"

Jaune snickered. "Don't let Yang hear you say that. You'll get your mouth washed out again."

The girl on the other end audibly pouted at the remark.

"Hey! I'm my own woman! I drink milk!"

Jaune had to visibly keep in his laughter at her response. "Really, Ruby? You sure about that?"

"One hundred and ten percent! I can swear all I want, you hear me?"

Jaune's eyes twitched to the upper corner where Ruby's camera was streaming video of her curled up in her chair. Particularly, he noticed something behind her. Specifically, a blurry figure with a large mane of blonde hair opening the front door and walking in.

He smirked.

"Eh, I don't know Rubes, still sounds like you're afraid of Yang." He said with forced nonchalance.

Ruby, oblivious to his expression due to her focus on the game screen, shot right back.

"I'm not afraid of Yang!"

"I dunno Rubes…"

"I'll show you!" She said loudly as the blonde figure slowly walked up behind her until she was hovering behind the girl unseen.

\- Lancasterfan: Oh boy…

\- Anon42: Shut up LF!

\- Anon93: Does she seriously not notice?

\- LordSenpai451: Shut up!

Ruby took in a deep breath before shouting.

"FUCK YANG! I'M A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO _FUCKING_ SWEARS!"

She pounced on Jaune in the game, the silent killer taking him down without a sound.

"HA! I'M THE BEST-eep!" she was cut off by an arm wrapping around her neck and pulling her out of her chair.

"Ack!" Ruby squeaked out melodramatically

The teasing, but still slightly annoyed voice of her sister rumbled right above her head.

"Hey _sis_ , how ya been…" Yang said in a dangerous tone.

Ruby looked back and forth sheepishly. "Heh, uh, nothing...I'm just doing a stream, you know how it is, heh."

" _Really?_ " Yang said with a raised eyebrow. "Well you called my name a second ago, didja need me for something?"

"No…" She said unconvincingly.

"Ruby, don't lie to me…"

Ruby sighed. "Yes, I said your name."

"Well what _did_ you say?" Yang said as her eyes narrowed.

Ruby made a small squeaking noise before murmuring something.

"Speak up Ruby, I can't hear you…" Yang sing songed from her perch above the headlock.

"I...uh…" Ruby said with a bead of sweat visibly go down her face. "IsaidfuckyouYang!" she blurted out.

"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! YOU'RE IN _SO_ MUCH TROUBLE YOUNG LADY!" She shouted as she began to administer the roughest of noogies to her baby sister.

"Ackkk! Yang, stahp!"

"Bad girls get noogies!"

"I'm still streaming!"

Yang took the time to lean over to read the twitch chat.

\- Anon42: HAHAHAHAHAHHA!

\- Anon93: This may be my first time watching a stream, but she deserves it.

\- Anon87: Lol. Uh, Yang, you might want to pull up your shirt a bit

\- Lancasterfan: Hi Yang! Jaune's on the other end dying of laughter.

Yang perked up at that and pulled her shirt up just a hint as her sister kept squirming in the headlock and leaned farther over the desk.

Her free hand reached out and grabbed the headphones to listen.

"HAHAHAHHAHAHHA," Jaune paused take in a shallow breath "Oh my god, her expression was _priceless!_ " he wheezed.

"Hey Jaune" she said into the mike.

He managed to calm his breathing to the point of speaking to another person. "Hey Yang, god, that was great!"

Ruby froze in her sister's grip. "Oh shit, Jaune saw that."

Yang lightly bopped her on the head with the headphones. "Hey! Language, young lady!"

Jaune snorted.

Ruby pouted, before pleading in a pitiful voice. "Please, can you at least shut off the stream?"

Yang rolled her eyes, before speaking up. "Public humiliation ensures compliance! Now shush!"

She directed her attention back at the stream. "So I'm afraid I'm going to have to pull Ruby from this, you good?"

"Yeah, we're good" Jaune said with the last hints of laughter fading away. "We were just about done anyway."

"Cool." Yang said. "Bye Jaune, bye Twitch Chat!"

\- Anon42: See yah!

\- LordSenpai451: Bye Yang!

\- Anon87: Adios!

\- Lancasterfan: G'Night!

Yang then dropped the headset and dragged Ruby away, talking about washing out her mouth with soap as she protested vehemently.

Jaune snickered before turning back to the stream.

"Well, that's the last part of the stream for tonight. I hope you all enjoyed, and if you liked this, don't worry, there'll be more to come!"

He pressed a button, and the stream went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

"Bullshit."

Ruby seethed with barely suppressed rage as she glared at the screen.

\- Lancasterfan: Alright, I'm back, what'd I miss

\- Anon32: Not much,

\- Anon13: she changed games

\- LordSenpai451: [Lancasterfan] Red changed games from Battlefield

"This is utter _bullshit_. This is completely unrealistic, how _dare_ they!"

The girl's eyes pierced the screen with the kind of intensity generally reserved for the hatred of Dodgers games and war crimes.

\- Lancasterfan: Really? What's the game?

"'Well done'?! 'WELL DONE'!? I'll show _you_ well done you stuck up troll! That steak was cooked to _medium_!"

\- Anon13: Wii Cooking Mama

\- Lancasterfan: ...what the fuck?

On the screen, a chibi woman in oversized glasses, a pink bandanna on her head, and and orange apron, stood on the screen, with a large and adorable frown on her face. She was casually informing the screen that she would "Help" with and that she got a total of zero points from the charred and burnt steak that presumably had just been on screen.

Ruby, for her part, had her hands on her head, pressing the wii remotes into her forehead and groaning in pain.

\- Anon42: She wanted to play something new.

\- Anon13: Something about it being too easy

\- Anon41: We suggested Chess, but that was...rejected.

\- Anon8: Red wanted something relaxing.

Ruby had started another level, this one where she tried to make popcorn.

The cartoon pot of popcorn on the screen loomed large as it had a diagram of a Wii remote jiggling back and forth, and the digitized voice asked her to shake it.

In the bottom corner of the screen, Ruby frantically swung the remote back and forth at manic speeds.

But the reticle Ruby was supposed to be inside ignored her and the popcorn burned mercilessly.

The chibi woman returned.

"I will help you." She said in a cute voice.

"MAMA I WILL FUCK YOU UP!"

\- Lancasterfan: _Relaxing_?

\- Anon8: ...in our defense, we didn't know this would occur

\- Anon93: I'm not regretting it, this is hilarious!

Dull thunking sounds came through the speakers as Ruby's head impacted the table. Finally, she finished testing her skull's thickness and pulled her head up, taking a peek at her screen, her eyes scanning the lower corner where her chat was residing.

\- Lancasterfan: Hey, you think she's okay?

\- LordSenpai451: I dunno, she's got a hard head.

\- Anon42: Hey Red, you good?

Ruby sighed, and rolled her eyes.

"Relax guys, I just forgot how annoying this game was. And I'm tired. Don't worry, my head's pretty tough anyway." she finished, rapping her skull slightly with her knuckles.

\- Anon93: Lotta experience with getting dropped on your head?

\- Anon42: DUDE

\- Anon13: too real man

\- Anon32: [Anon93] You've got brain damage!

The woman rolled her eyes at her chat's antics, and returned to playing the game, working her way through the simplistic levels.

\- Anon93: Fine, I'm sorry! Geez. Anyway, why are you so worked up, Ruby?

\- Lancasterfan: Yeah, what's up?

"Look, I really like cooking okay?" She said, shrugging. "I know it's a kids game, it just bugs me when things are wrong!"

\- Anon93: You can cook?

\- Anon13: Really?

\- Anon42: Huh, never expected.

Ruby glared at her viewers. "What's that supposed to mean!"

\- Lancasterfan: You have no less than three takeout boxes lying around your desk _right now_

\- Anon42: Four.

\- Anon13: yeah, four

"Hey!" Ruby said as she blushed and twisted around to see her plates and food lying around her workspace.

She quickly pushed all the TV dinners out of the camera's reach, counting three of them before glaring at the twitch chat in annoyance.

"Are you messing with me? There's only three!"

\- Lancasterfan: uh…

\- Anon42: Yep! Nevermind, only three!

\- LordSenpai451: Those were all the ones on your desk. Still, three takeouts in three days? That's not healthy. Or economical.

Ruby gave them a death-glare.

"Hey! At least _one_ of those wasn't mine!"

\- Anon42: We have _seen_ you eat from all of them!

\- Anon13: Pretty much.

\- Anon13: Check the old streams if you want, we have the receipts.

\- Anon8: I _still_ can't believe you ate that day old sushi, that shit looked like it came out of a gas station

Ruby tilted her head at the chat while she completely failed to cut a loaf of bread in-game.

"Sushi?"

She turned to look where one of the boxes was nudged off and she started.

"Oh! That wasn't from a gas station. That was from the 7/11 down the street!"

\- Lancasterfan: ...what the fuck

\- Anon42: 7/11 sells _**what**_ _?_

\- Anon13: God help your soul, [RedLikeRoses].

The tagging caught her attention in the middle of catching hot dog ingredients in a bun, and she looked down at the chat.

She frowned.

"Look, guys, it's really not that bad, okay! It's cheap food, and it's healthy! It's got fish and everything!"

\- Anon8: I think I'm gonna hurl

\- Anon93: The fuck's a 7/11?

\- Anon42: okay, you know like Quik-e-Mart from the Simpsons?

"I don't get why you're all so worried…"

\- Anon93: Yeah?

\- Anon42: it's like that but whiter and sketchier

\- Anon93: ...

\- Anon93: ...I'll pray for you [RedLikeRoses]

Ruby rolled her eyes at the chat and scowled at the screen.

"Look, are you guys gonna bag on my food choices all night, or do you want to hear about how to cook properly? I actually do know how to cook, you know."

\- Anon42: you know, I am genuinely curious now

\- Anon8: eh, fuck it, I'm down

\- Anon13: sure

\- Anon93: Speak your wisdom, oh great sage!

Ruby smiled and began on the next sim, which was making a burger.

"Alright, so first off, this sim is wrong, you can't just throw patties around like this, you gotta flatten them out a bit first…"

* * *

\- TheDorkKnight: Yo

\- Anon8: Dork Knight!

\- Anon93: Jaune! You're watching!

\- TheDorkKnight: I always watch Red's streams! What's going on?

\- Anon42: We're listening to her talk mostly, she's giving good advice

\- TheDorkKnight: Oh really?

"See guys, you gotta make sure the gas is ignited when you're starting a stove, or it'll leak and you might be fried and or asphyxiated."

\- TheDorkKnight: Wait…is she talking about cooking?

\- Anon32: Yeah, who knew Ruby's such a good cook?

"If you shoot lighter fluid at a fire, it'll do a cool 'whoosh'! And it'll get a nice flame to just kiss the steak or patty." She said nonchalantly.

\- TheDorkKnight: No. NONONONONONO.

\- Anon42: wait, that doesn't sound right.

\- Anon8: won't the fire just go up the oil stream and like, light the bottle on fire?

"And listen, if you _really_ want to keep your drinks warm in the microwave, leave a metal spoon or something in there, it'll spark, but it'll keep it warm! Just don't let it touch you, since it's hot."

\- TheDorkKnight: That's it. I'm not letting this go any farther.

\- Anon42: what? What are you doing?

"And _another_ thing, make sure you have some water always on hand to extinguish a fire, or else-"

Ruby was interrupted by her phone buzzing at her countertop. She looked down at it in annoyance, and looked back up, before realizing who it was, and picking up.

"Yo, Jaune, listen,-what do you mean, 'Put me on speaker'? Uh, okay."

\- Anon42: Ohhhh...shit...

She quickly tapped the screen of the iphone and she began to talk to it. "Listen, Jaune, I'm streaming right now, I can't talk-"

"I _know_ you're streaming!" He said in a disproportionately forceful voice for such a small speaker. "I'm _watching it!_ "

Ruby's face paled and she shrunk ever so slightly.

"OH….uh...are you enjoying it?" She said with the care of someone defusing a rather nasty and complicated bomb.

"Oh, I _loved_ it," Jaune said sarcastically. "Especially the part with _dangerous cooking advice_!"

\- Anon13: Should we be watching this?

\- Lancasterfan: *Insert bomb dropping sound here*

\- Anon93: Mommy and daddy are fighting

\- Anon32: Wait, what bad advice?

Ruby tried looking anywhere but the phone. "I only told them some small tips!" She said in embarrassment.

"You told them to stick metal in the microwave!"

"Hey! That does keep it warm!"

"It creates _lightning_ in a _microwave_!"

"..."

\- Anon32: oh _that's_ why people tell you not to do that

\- Anon42: Yeah, and it decreases the lifespan of the microwave

\- Anon93: this is a _very_ informative stream TBH

\- Lancasterfan: BTW, I just looked it up, the fire _can_ travel up the stream and make the lighter fluid explode.

"Ruby, why would you tell them that?"

"I...kind of...forgot?"

The camera and microphone weren't the greatest set up on youtube. But even between Ruby's mic, and her phone's speaker and microphone, everyone could still hear Jaune's hand slamming into his forehead at high velocity.

" _How do you forget that?_ "

"I don't know!" Ruby said defensively. "It just slipped my mind!"

"You _tazed_ yourself on a _fork_!"

\- Anon13: are...are they messing with us?

\- Anon42: at this point, I have no idea

\- Anon93: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

\- Lancasterfan: They _have_ to be messing with us, right?

"..." Ruby glared at her phone.

"..." The silence drew out for long agonizing seconds.

"...augh! Fine!" Ruby huffed as she rolled her eyes. "I'll stop talking about food, you happy!"

"Yeah, I'm happy. And put away that takeout box."

"What takeout box?"

"Keyboard."

Ruby looked down at her keyboard and found a takeout box waiting right in front of it, almost under the monitor.

"Wait, has that been there the whole time?"

\- Anon32: yep

\- Anon42: pretty much

\- Anon93: Dammit Jaune, we were hoping she wouldn't notice!

\- Lancasterfan: I'll be honest, I'm really surprised you didn't notice before now

\- Anon32: Technically, it wasn't on your desk...it was on the little keyboard slide

Ruby scowled at her screen and growled.

"Assholes!"

She rolled her eyes and checked her clock, which was reading somewhere between the realm of "Oh, it's dark out" and "Dear god please sleep goddammit…"

"Well, I'm just about done anyway, see you guys!"

\- Lancasterfan: Bye Red! Don't cook anything!

\- Anon13: bye

\- Anon32: good night

\- Anon8: Goodbye

\- Anon93: Adios!

\- Anon42: Tell Jaune we said bye!

"Twitch chat says goodnight Jaune."

Jaune's tone was tired, and a little bit teasing.

"Night Twitch Chat, Night Rubes. Oh, we still on for saturday?"

Ruby smiled. "Hell yeah! I still need to squash some filthy Xenos!"

"Hey! Don't steal my schtick!"

She chuckled and hung up, before leaning over, pressing a button, and the stream went dark.

* * *

 **A/N Okay, there is officially a 100% chance I'm changing the twitch chat format before the next chapter. I had to underline and "-" each chat _manually_ because fanfiction dot net doesn't have a bullet point function. **


	3. Chapter 3

Santa crept down the side of the house quietly. Slipping in past the mansion's marble exterior, and taking advantage of the open upper story windows, the jolly red man slipped into the ludicrously expensive bathroom.

The tile floors barely registered a squeak as he snuck around the near deserted foyers. None of the people living, or partying, in the mansion noticed Saint Nicholas skittering just on the edge of their sightlines.

All except one.

A curious guard, contracted for the christmas party, noticed the tail end of his red fur coat passing through the doorway.

He paused in confusion, before calling into his supervisors.

"Hey, guys, I'm gonna go check something."

He pulled out his gun, carefully walking to the closed doorway, the door creaking open.

The guard heard jingling in his ears, and he noticed a treasure trove of presents before him.

He lowered his gun, before tilting his head in confusion.

Finally, he shrugged, before turning around to leave.

But right as he did that, he noticed that the cupboard was slightly ajar. He moved forward to close it-

-When a man in a red velvet suit, with white fur edges fell out of the cupboard, and stumbles forward.

The guard instinctively pulls up his gun, shouting "GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, WE HAVE A -"

Only ot have his diatribe cut off as Santa lunges forward with a fire axe, the metal head stabbing through his-

* * *

"FUCK!" Jaune yelled as he axed a poor security guard caught in his path. "FUck, fuck, fuck!"

"Uggggghhhhh" he muttered to himself. "I was _so_ close to getting out! Why is Hitman so hard!"

He pressed a button to pull his axe out of the NPC's head, and sighed. Alarms throughout the mansion were going off, summoning hordes of guards to his location.

"Twitch Chat, any ideas on how to get out of here?" He said as he turned to the side of his screen

* * *

~[Anon32]: I think you're screwed

~[LordSenpai451]: Yep, screwed.

~[Anon13]: The only way you're getting out of here alive is Plan B

~[Anon42]: Plan B!

~[Anon41]: Plan B! Plan B! Plan B!

 _~[Lancasterfan] *Has donated 100 bits*_

~[Lancasterfan]: Hi Jaune! Just arrived! What's going on?

* * *

Jaune rolled his eyes at the chat before speaking again.

"Yeah, yeah, you guys always want Plan B. Hey LF, thanks for the hundred bits! We're playing Hitman 2, but Twitch-chat decreed the rules of engagement." Jaune said as his avatar quickly hid in the cupboard again, the fat Santa squeezing into the wardrobe stealthily.

"Alright, hopefully they won't notice the guy with half a face, and the...you know, _blood everywhere_." Jaune said sarcastically.

* * *

~[Lancasterfan]: Rules of engagement?

~[Anon13]: Jaune's not allowed any keyprompt commands and we banned him from using the tutorials.

~[Anon42]: Plan B! Plan B! Plan B!

~[Lancasterfan]: How the hell is he even playing then?

~[Anon32]: Blind luck, us giving him hints, and liberal amounts of plan B

~[LordSenpai451]: Hey Jaune, it's Q to lock the cupboard!

~[Anon41]: Yeah, it's Q!

~[Lancasterfan]: Plan B? What the hell's Plan B?

* * *

Jaune took a peek at the side of his screen where the chat, and his face brightened.

"Oh! I didn't know you could lock doors in this!"

The guards were getting closer to his cupboard, and the image of Jaune in the lower portion of the screen quickly pressed the button…

...which immediately threw Jaune's yuletide avatar out of the cupboard and right in front of the armed guards whose friend Jaune had just murdered with an axe.

Jaune's face froze for a second.

"You _fuckers_." He whispered, glaring at Twitch Chat as the NPC's began to yell into their walkie talkies.

"FUCK IT!" he screamed into the mic before he began button mashing.

"Plan B MOTHERFUCKERS!" He yelled into the microphone, as his avatar began brandishing its axe, carving through the guards.

He began cackling as his caroling avatar of destruction began to lay waste to the guards, the axe flying through the air to nail anything that moved.

* * *

~[Lancasterfan]: So...Murder Everything?

~[Anon42]: MURDER EVERYTHING!

~[Anon41]: Plan B! Plan B! Plan B!

~[Anon13]: I cannot believe he fell for that again…

~[Lancasterfan]: Again?

~[Anon41]: Burn it Santa! BURN IT ALL!

~[Anon42]: Plan B! Plan B! Plan B!

~[LordSenpai451]: "Lock the cupboard!" HAHAAHAHAAAHAHAA!

~[Anon32]: I wish I had the facepalm emoji on here.

~[Anon13]: {Lancasterfan} Yep! This is the _third_ time this has happened. Honestly, I think Jaune just likes using plan B

* * *

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!" Jaune cackled as his holiday axe clipped through a doorway to kill another guard.

* * *

~[Lancasterfan]: ...nahhh

~[Anon42]: Plan B! Plan B! Plan B!

* * *

Over the next hour, Jaune's festive avatar proceeded to slice, dice, and chop his way through half of the party guests until he finally managed to murder the person 47 was actually _supposed_ to kill.

Finally, the end mission screen popped up.

Stars: Zero

Points: Zero

Jaune grumbled to himself.

"Stupid game, stupid rules, I can't believe it's so hard. And the stupid point system makes no fucking sense! I killed that guy in a super short amount of time! Why am I so low on points?!"

* * *

~[Lancasterfan]: ...wait, is he being for real?

~[Lancasterfan]: He murdered like a hundred people! Of course he didn't get any points!

~[Anon42]: Shut up LF! He doesn't know!

~[Anon41]: Bury his comment, quick, before Jaune sees!

~[LordSenpai451]: Country Roads!

~[Lancasterfan]: Wait, does he seriously not know?

~[Anon13]: Yeah, we...kind of skipped the tutorial where they told you you're _not_ supposed to kill bystanders. In his defense, he hasn't actually checked the "Detailed points" section yet to see how many points he's lost.

~[Anon41]: DUDE! Uncool!

~[Lancasterfan]: HOW HAS HE NOT NOTICED BY THIS POINT?!

~[Anon13]: Don't ask me. Yang hasn't noticed either.

~[Lancasterfan]: Oh my god...

* * *

Jaune cricked his neck, and oblivious to his viewer's concerns, started a new game.

One with a distinct lack of Santa-related paraphernalia, and instead dressed Jaune's assassin in the distinct tailored suits of the Hitman franchise.

He was midway through a level, sneaking through the streets of Mumbai, when a buzzing sound reached his microphone.

He pulled the smartphone out of his pants, and placed it on the table.

"Hi Yang." He said as he casually walked around an armed guard.

"Hey Jaune!" Came the cheery tones out of the speakers.

* * *

~[Lancasterfan]: Oh, Hey Yang!

~[Anon13]: Jaune! Tell Yang we said Hello!

~[Anon41]: Plan B! Plan B! Plan B!

* * *

Jaune's eye twitched to his chat.

"Oh, and Twitch Chat says hi!"

"S'up TC" Came the phone's voice once more. "So, Jaune, remember how were both doing this Blind Hitman thing?"

"Yeah?" Jaune muttered as he snuck past another guard.

"Well, uh, I just found something _super_ useful."

"Do tell…" He said distractedly as he hopped a small fence.

"Well, try sneaking up behind someone real quick…"

Jaune looked at the phone in confusion, before shrugging and forcing his avatar to crouch and silently moving forward towards a guard.

"Okay, you're behind him?"

"Yeah?"

"Now press Q."

Jaune straightened his back and glared at his phone.

"...is this a joke?"

"What? No? Why would it be a joke?"

* * *

~[LordSenpai451]: HA!

~[Lancasterfan]: ...Well, he's at least learning a _little_ bit

* * *

"The last time I pressed Q, Santa had to kill half the level"

"HA! Nah, but for real dude, try it."

The blonde boy narrowed his eyes at the phone, but eventually sighed and pressed the button.

And like that, his hitman lunged forward and wrapped his arms around the unsuspecting NPC, squeezing the breath out of the unsuspecting guard.

Jaune's face lit up in surprise.

"Holy shit!" He said. "What the fuck?"

"It's a silent takedown dude!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!" Yang said with relish. "Now press Q again to push harder!"

* * *

~[LordSenpai451]: Aww, they figured it out

~[Lancasterfan]: Did they seriously not know how to silent takedown?

~[Anon13]: they disabled keyprompts

~[Lancasterfan]: How did they do that? how the hell have they been playing this game!?

~[Anon13]: Well, they figured out how to pick up and switch guns…

~[Lancasterfan]: ...plan B?

~[Anon13]: Lots and lots of plan B. neither of them have gotten a single star in any mission.

~[Lancasterfan]: lol

~[Lancasterfan]: ...well at least they're having fun

* * *

"Harder, HARDER Jaune!"

"Like this?" Jaune said as his fingers pounded back and forth.

* * *

~[Lancasterfan]: uh….

~[Anon13]: …

~[Anon32]: wha...

* * *

"No, faster!"

"How about this?"

"Good, right there!"

"Come on, get it…" Jaune muttered to himself

* * *

~[Anon32]: should we be watching this?

~[Anon42]: Kinky

~[Anon41]: hawt

* * *

"There!" Jaune said as his avatar finally finished choking the NPC into unconciousness.

"UUUUUuuuuhhhhhhh!" Came the voice through the speakers in what was unmistakably a pornographic moan.

Jaune froze in his seat as his face colored bright red at the noise his phone just made.

His eyes narrowed even as his face tried to complete its transformation into a nice shade of fire engine red.

"..."

"...wow, you're _really_ red, Jaune. That's a screensaver right there!"

"...Ruby watches all of these, you know. She's gonna _kill_ you." Jaune muttered almost to himself.

"Worth it!" She yelled, cackling to herself as Jaune quickly shut off the call.

* * *

~[Anon42]: HA!

~[Anon41]: I am man enough to say that aroused me.

~[Anon13]: I am woman enough to say that I found that hilarious

~[Lancasterfan]: Ruby's gonna tear Yang a new one for that

* * *

"Now, where was I…" Jaune growled, returning to the game.

His hitman began tearing through the meager guards in the New York bank. This time, without the rest of the bank being alerted.

Silently, Jaune dispatched each guard with a cold efficiency.

The discovery of his new technique allowed him to silently take down most of the guards without even the slightest hint of discovery.

But as he was about to grab someone, the phone, carelessly left on the table, began to ring.

* * *

~[BananaBoyee]: Hey Guys, Yang just called me.

~[Lancasterfan]: Sun?

~[Anon41]: Huh?

~[BananaBoyee]: Watch this...

* * *

 _Click_

"Hey Sun."

"Hey Jaune!"

"Hey, dude, I'm playing Hitman right now, maybe take this later?"

"Oh, I know dude."

"You do?"

"Yeah man!" Sun chirped from the phone as Jaune's avatar snuck behind a female bank teller. "I just wanted to say-"

Jaune's avatar lunged forward and grabbed her in a chokehold.

"CHOKE THAT BITCH! Yeah, get her _good!_ "

Jaune's palm slammed into his face so hard he fell over.

* * *

~[Anon41]: Damn...that's gonna leave a mark...

~[LordSenpai451]: Ooof, I _felt_ that one…

~[Anon13]: Ouch.

~[Lancasterfan]: Uh, Jaune, you okay buddy?

* * *

Jaune, having just recovered from his flailing and failing attempts not to fall to the ground had finally clambered back up into his seat.

"Hey Sun?" He said as he heard Sun desperately trying and failing to hold in his laughs.

"Y-Yeah?" Sun got through a suppressed wave of snickers.

"Fuck you."

"HAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAH-" He was still laughing when Jaune hung up.

Jaune finally sat back in his chair, massaging the bridge of his nose as he breathed slowly.

"Alright…" he said quietly. "Imma finish this mission. Just finish it. No problem…"

He took a quick peek at the chat again

* * *

~[Anon13]: Talking to yourself isn't a great sign, Jaune

~[LordSenpai451]: Damn bro, that welt on your head is massive...

~[Anon41]: is his head supposed to look like that?

~[Anon42]: Nah, that's not a welt, that's just his face

* * *

He quickly looked away with a roll of his eyes.

"Imma finish this mission, _alone_..."

He began to quickly move through the level, dispatching guards and civilians like the cold blooded assassin he was supposed to be, until, finally, he'd reached the woman he was actually supposed to be assassinating.

He was crouching behind her, all it would take was a second-

 _RING RING._

Jaune sighed, took a quick check of the caller ID.

"Saphron? Really? Now? This better be important" He rolled his eyes before he pressed the button.

"Hey sis, you're on speaker, did you need something?"

His avatar lunged forward and began choking the woman onscreen. His arms wrapped around her neck and squeezed, tighter and tighter until-

"Sis-"

"HARDER DADDY, UUUUUUUUHHHHHHH!"

"..."

Jaune _slammed_ his head into the desk, causing it to rattle the camera with the force

Jaune lifted his head an inch before dropping it back down on the table, and continued lightly dropping his head onto the table over and over again.

"My. Own. Sister." Jaune muttered with each thump. "Et _Tu_ , Saphron?"

"HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! Oh god, I can see you through your camera!" Came the hysterical voice in his phone. "I'm gonna send this to mom, HAHAHAAHA!"

Jaune responded by flipping off the camera, which only increased the laughter even more.

Jaune lifted his head.

* * *

~[Anon42]: HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAA!

~[Anon41]: THIS IS PRICELESS!

~[LordSenpai451]: LOL

~[Anon13]: Okay, you have to admit, that was a _little_ funny Jaune...

* * *

"That's it, I'm done for today. Fuck you Saph, Fuck you Sun, and Fuck you too Yang, I know you're still watching!"

Jaune's darted to Twitch Chat to double check

* * *

~[BlondeBrawls]: [TheDorkKnight] Fuck you too Jaune! Your sister's funnier than you are!

~[Anon41]: Hey, don't we get a "fuck you!" too?

~[Anon42]: Don't forget us, asshole!

~[LordSenpai451]: Fuck you Jaune!

~[Lancasterfan]: Dude, you get hit in the head _way_ too often for someone who plays videogames as their day job

* * *

"Pfft, fuck you guys too, TC" Jaune muttered, giving a small middle finger. "I entertain you with my misery, the least you could be is grateful..."

The chat was flooded with mirror statements, and Jaune rolled his eyes at them.

"Alright, I think that's enough for tonight. Fuck all you all, and Goodnight!"

* * *

 **A/N: I need more twitch chat names. Feel free to post suggestions in the comments, or if you want your own name featured in the fic, just ask. Also, FF dot net still has atrocious formatting, but hopefully I found a twitch-chat format that's easy to parse and that won't kill me to format. Tell me if you like it!**

 **BTW, does anyone want to know the videos I'm basing these blurbs on? None of them are 1 to 1 comparisons, but they use real games, and the personalities and stuff are based on real youtube videos.**


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